HELLO THERE 🙂
 
When did your love for Star Wars begin? 
 

My obsession with Star Wars wasn’t love at first sight like my crush on Kim Katrell in the movie Mannequin. When I was seven years old, my aunt introduced me to this long, boring movie about space wizards and robots, but I fell asleep before I could send any R.I.Ps to Alderaan.

She tried, but my young mind wasn’t ready for intergalactic disputes with lasers. We eventually did watch all three, but I enjoyed them mainly because I was spending time with her (and the Ewoks). However, little did I know that the galaxy far, far away would completely engulf my life a short decade later.
 
As a 90s kid growing up in a video store, I remember staring at VHS covers for hours. My favorite covers were of the crazy 80s horror flicks I was too scared to watch but couldn’t get enough of. My all-time favorite covers were  The Return of the Living Dead and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors.
 
One day, in the Sci-fi section of my aunt’s Video store, I noticed the Roman numeral four on a Star Wars cover. Dazed, I brought her the box and asked why she hadn’t shown me the first three movies. My confusion only grew stronger in the force after she confirmed Four was the first movie, and the others were never released. Dumbfounded, I walked away, wondering how four could equal one, and I failed math later that year.
 
Flash forward to the year 2000. (The future Conan?) 
 

I was a 19-year-old college freshman, waiting in line to pick up my paycheck at The Wiz, when I noticed an elaborate display of cassettes near the cash registers. Copies of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace had just gone on sale, and my mind instantly flashed back to my aunt’s video store once I noticed a large Roman numeral one.

The world went crazy over Episode One, but I didn’t get all the hype surrounding it. I definitely knew I was a geek in my own right, but Star Wars was some real nerdy sh*t I couldn’t get down with. However, despite my reluctance, I picked up a copy to watch at my girl’s house that weekend. I figured it wouldn’t be “all the way nerdy” if you watched it with a girl.

Ok, old-school Star Wars fans. I’m about to say some wreckless sh*t right now. (You’ve been warned)

I genuinely liked The Phantom Menace. (Wait, don’t go!)

For someone who knew nothing about Star Wars and came into it with no expectations, I enjoyed the ride and found it entertaining. Yeah, it was cheesy, but Darth Maul man…Darth Maul.

Phantom made me want to give the originals another chance and wasn’t that the point of the prequels? So yeah, Jar Jar Binks was my gateway drug to Star Wars. (Ok, now you can go.)

So, what does all this have to do with your dad? (Good question.)
 
During that summer of 2000, before I found Star Wars, I returned home to Puerto Rico for the first time since I was a tween. The last time my father saw me, I was a 14-year-old virgin with no facial hair. But now, I was a 19-year-old virgin with slightly more facial hair.  (Some might call it a training mustache.)
 

At a time when I was trying to become a man, I went back, asking mad questions about my past and where I came from. Luckily, my grandmother (my dad’s mom) was ready and willing to spill everyone’s tea on the mountain my family lived on for generations. From decades before my birth until the day I hugged her hello, she filled me in on all the juicy gossip I missed. She even let me in on the biggest mystery of my life: my dad.

Not to say I didn’t know who he was. I knew him. I just didn’t know him, know him. During my summers in PR as a kid, my dad treated me more like a nuisance than his son. My grandmothers mostly looked after me, and my pops visited me when he “had the time.” Sadly, some nights, I had a better chance of seeing ghosts than my pops. (PR at night can be a lil creepy.)
 

However, in the summer of 2000, all that changed. My dad was impressed with the man I was becoming and proudly paraded me around his town. We would drive around in his Honda hatchback, stopping so he could introduce me to his friends, who were mostly female. 😉 

Suddenly, I was no longer a little boy he was forced to keep alive. He treated me with respect and equality, and it was really cool.

 

Growing up, I always felt “out of place” with my family because my mind was wired differently from everyone’s. I didn’t understand why I felt “different” until I got to know my dad, who was “different” in the same ways. (If that even makes sense.)

Despite not knowing him, I noticed that we had a lot of sh*t in common, which was unsettling since I wasn’t raised by him. Upon looking into the mirror for the first time, it became indisputable that I was his son, and he was my dad.

So, back to Star Wars.

Sometime after that summer, the original Star Wars saga was remastered on VHS with none of the Hayden Christensen Force Ghost glory. (Sorry, but that was a dope change.) I re-watched them and grew obsessed with everything about Star Wars almost overnight. My nights were spent reading anything and everything I could find.
 

While other 20-year-olds were in the city partying their lives away, I was on Wookiepedia trying to figure out what type of battery was in a Lightsaber. (This was way before the Clone Wars cartoon and Kiber crystals.)

When did everything start to change?

While watching Empire Strikes Back at my girlfriend’s house one night (again, not all the way nerdy), I noticed something about Darth Vader that caught me off guard. I saw this humbling hint of hesitance in his obsession with finding Luke. I already knew the big secret, so maybe I read too much into it, but there was an imminent sense of internal conflict with Vader that made him more interesting than the rest of the flick.

On the bus ride home, the ending of Empire haunted me, and I started to feel bad for Vader. It didn’t seem like he really wanted to hurt his son. Yeah, he cut off Luke’s hand, but that felt more like self-defense after he realized Luke had sliced him. When Vader pleaded with his son to join him, he wasn’t reaching out just for a team-up; he was asking Luke for his help, and it stayed with me.
 

A few nights later, watching the emotional rollercoaster that was Return of the Jedi, I couldn’t help but feel unrestrained as I saw Luke plead with his father to abandon the dark side. This was getting too real for me as I started getting choked up.

When Anakin selflessly sacrificed himself to save his son, tears welled up in my eyes. But since I was surrounded by my girlfriend and her family, I tried to play it cool. However, all that Fonzie sh*t came crashing down when Anakin fell to the ground trying to escape with Luke and said,

Luke… help me take this mask off.

Luke: But you’ll die.

Darth Vader: Nothing… can stop that now. Just for once… let me… look on you with my *own* eyes.

[Luke takes off Darth Vader’s mask. Underneath, he sees the face of a pale, scarred, bald-headed man – his father, Anakin. Anakin sadly looks at Luke and gives him a tired smile]

Anakin: Now… go, my son. Leave me.

BRO, I COMPLETELY LOST ALL CONTROL.

I am not lying to you when I tell you that those were some of the heaviest tears I had ever shed. I’m talking about the type of heavy sobs that come with hyperventilation hiccups. It was as if a door to my soul had been forced open, and I couldn’t do anything to shut it. I just cried into my hands, weeping uncontrollably. 

Everyone was shocked at my reaction, and the movie was stopped. Speaking through my short sobbing breaths, I tried to explain to them what had happened, but even I was unsure what took place.

What were you thinking about during that scene? 

Back in Puerto Rico, during one of our days riding around, my dad opened up and showed me a vulnerable side of him I had never seen. He had always portrayed himself as a tough ex-military guy who commanded respect. But for the first time in my life, he dropped the act for a little bit.
 

Parked in his Red three-door Honda, my dad expressed his past remorses and apologized for everything he had done to hurt our family. There were no lies, no filters, just us and his truth.

As regretful tears slowly streamed down his face, he removed his black aviator shades and finally allowed me to see him clearly for the first time. Additionally, it felt like he was really seeing me for the first time with his own eyes.

Which is probably why I got super caught up in the scene. That sh*it hit too close to home, and I had an awakening that I wasn’t ready for. I don’t want to diminish the significance of this heartfelt flashback with my pops by comparing it to a space adventure, but this is what happened. And that is why I fell in love with Star Wars.

The most captivating movies are the ones that evoke an emotional connection within us, and the similarities between life and this Sci-fi flick were as loud to me as an uptown-bound 2-train. Lucas masterfully hid a father-and-son drama in a bunch of spaceships and robots and, in the process,  created a “Shut Up and Take My Money” fan for life.

Without trying to overanalyze my Daddy issues, I became obsessed with wanting to know more about Darth Vader, especially Anakin. Like a drug addict, I began to consume any knowledge I could find about the fallen Jedi. My soul rejoiced when I found out the rest of the prequel trilogy would be about his descent into darkness. Yes! Episodes 2 and 3 met all my expectations, capturing the emotional elements that made me a fan in the first place, and I loved them.

I.B.P.F.J.A.S.T.M.N.E 
Y.N.E 
D.M.M.K.Y
A.M.A.I.T.T.R.T.D 
I.Y.A.N.W.M.T.Y.A.M.E 
O.A.S.D.I.A.I.W.D.W.I.M. 
Y.W.T

(If you know…) 

Revenge will forever be my favorite because of the highly emotional ending. With how much hate the prequels received, there was a time when I felt they were made just for me. But now, I appreciate all the love they are getting. I am especially happy to see Hayden Christensen receiving the adoration he deserves.

Thank you, George Lucas and Richard Marquand, for the severely underappreciated Return of the Jedi. I saw what you did there because it was like a dropkick to my soul. One of the most feared empires in all the galaxies was brought down not by might and power…

But by a father’s love for his son. 

Thanks for reading 

 
Edgar
 
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